Thursday, September 20, 2007

A Strong Case for a Weak Greenback...

The global currency markets....explained in pictures.

Today may just be the day…..a day I never though I’d see. The Canadian Dollar is approaching parity with the once-might US Dollar. She's got a full head of steam, and there’s no stopping her! To explain this in simpler terms, think of the Canadian Dollar as Pete Rose, the US Dollar as poor Ray Fosse, and global Forex markets as the 1970 MLB All Star Game at Riverfront Stadium in Cincinnati.

As someone who enjoys living in Canada, but visiting the United States, this situation is ideal….assuming I stay out of the manufacturing or tourism industry. To celebrate this momentous occasion, WWMRD brings you the top three reasons why it is good to have a favourable exchange rate with the greenback.

1. It will drive the movie industry out of Toronto

Zoolander stunt doubles.

I like Toronto. Don’t love it…but I like it. One of the things that drives me mad about Toronto is the douchebag, celebrity obsessed, hanging out at “Lobby” crowd. I often hear these people walking along Bloor Street making such comments as, “Oh my gawwd…last Saturday was crazy. We ended up partying with Willie Aames and Ashton Westwood at Ultra. It was off the hook!”

With there now being no savings in filming in Toronto, b-list movie stars will remain south of the border. I won’t have to hear these ridiculous conversations any more because something tells me faux-hawk and ugg boots won’t be bragging about hanging out with the cast of Falcon Beach.

2. Allows the Jays to increase payroll

The illegible writing on the photo actually reads, "Brooks Robinson, will you have my baby?"

Ted Rogers is wicked rich. He’s dumped a bunch of cash into the Jays, with limited results. That said, I prefer this scenario to the days when the Jays couldn’t buy anyone. It makes for a more interesting off-season.

With a strong dollar and Ted’s chequebook, the Jays have substantially more buying power than they did a few years ago. This will allow J.P. Ricciardi to add upgrades to our already upgraded roster.

Troy Glaus, it was nice knowing you….but in 2008, the Jays will be playing a clone, spliced from the DNA of Mike Schmidt and Brooks Robinson, at 3rd base. He will be called Brooks Schmidt….because it is a much better name than Mike Robinson. He will hit for power, commit no errors and have a great moustache.

Cost for this procedure - $700 million.

3. Cheaper Beer at the Ralph.

"Hey dad - you gonna need me to drive home again?!"

In the era of the 1.60 exchange rate, getting drunk at the Ralph was sometimes difficult. A 20oz beer was $5…which came to $8 CDN. This was cheaper than any venue in Toronto, but still not all that cheap. With the beers now coming in a $5 CDN, how can one afford NOT to drink more? The stadium is practically giving the stuff away!

With the Bills struggling (said in my best Joe Namath) so far this season, the Canadian fans that make the trip to Ralph Wilson Stadium will want to, (check that…NEED to) get even drunker than in previous years. This should not be a problem.

And with alcohol sales through the roof, whoever ends up with the Bills after Ralph passes will have no choice but to leave the team right where it is! Selling cheap beer to Canadians is a license to print money. Canadians will not go to LA to watch the Bills. They will only go to Buffalo! You hear me Goodell?!

Anyway, to conclude….I really do not see any downside to a strong Canadian dollar. Some may argue that the loss of jobs is potentially devastating……but with the global economy the way it is, Canada was going to lose a bunch of jobs away. Wouldn’t you rather see these jobs go to hardworking Americans, instead of Chinese labourers working in inhumane conditions? I know I would. John Cougar Mellencamp would finally be able to pen an upbeat song about people being hired, instead of laid off! A Mellencamp comeback is something the world needs.


  1. The guy sitting on the bus in the 97 Rock t-shirt was only the 7th heaviest guy at the game that day. Hey fatty, Olive Garden bread is not a healthy alternative to anything.

  2. It's funny - the parking lot at the Ralph might be dirtiest, grayest, most depressing parking lot in the world....but I really wish I could go there every weekend!


Add to Technorati Favorites