Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Hangin' Tough....

So, the video for the New Kids classic, "Hangin' Tough" was just played on Much More Retro. The video features concert footage of the Kids rockin' to a crowd of approximately 3,000 girls aged 15 through 21. Seeing as this video came out in either '88 or '89, it would mean this group of 3,000 women sit somewhere between the ages of 32 and 40. So, as a percentage of this group, I ask how many meet ALL the following criteria:

1. Have four or more kids. (Remember, NKOTB were HUGE with Irish Catholics in Greater Boston).

2. Still wear the same bangs as they did in the video. (There were some great bangs here. Carlos Slim Helu was long in Aqua Net in 1986....that's all I'm sayin).

3. Work(ed) at Dunkin Donuts.

4. Place their appearance in this video amongst the top 3 moments of their life, (remember criterion #1...these girls have four or more kids...which means this video comes ahead of a couple of their kids).

The correct answer? 40%

Monday, July 30, 2007

Chileans love Danny Cooksey

Well, here is an article from the fair and balanced "El Mercurio" newspaper from Chile.

Sulantay reveals aggression of Arturo Vidal to police

Hopefully the Google translation works. Although this isn't the greatest translation, the gist of it reveals that it was everyone's favourite Chilean, Arturo Vidal, who punched a female cop to start the brawl a couple weeks ago.

Is this surprising? Not at all. This guy was the dirty, spineless, public enemy #1 on the Chilean team. I'm sure he has no problems with hitting cops or females, or as we saw a couple weeks ago, female cops.

The translated version of this quote says so much:

"Vidal says not to remember, but he clarifies that he did not stick a woman"

I found this quote to be somewhat shocking, "but nothing justifies the violence that came later, not even the blow to a woman." If I read this correctly, it seems to say that it is OK to punch a female cop in the face. These kids are LUCKY that the extent of their punishment was a shot of pepper spray and a few minutes in cuffs. I'm sure there are a lot of cops out there who would have loved to beat the crap out of these kids....and even as the Chilean team continues to complain about their treatment, I guarantee none of them were treated all that badly, (aside from the kid who got tasered). If any of the players had as much as a black eye or a fat lip, we would have seen it on the cover of The Sun.

In lighter news, Adam "Pac Man" Jones is going to spend his NFL sabbatical as a pro wrestler.....which seems like a novel idea, assuming it is with the WWE...but it's not. He is joining "Total Nonstop Wrestling" some budget rasslin circuit based out of Nashville. Good for him....as everyone knows there is no money in being a top-level NFL corner, (as I write this, Asante Samuel, (who is pretty average) has been tagged by the Pats and will make $7.8 million this year....the best part is, he is pissed off about it!)

Most interesting part of the article? It would have to be, "The TNA wrestling promotion is based in Nashville and is owned by Panda Energy but is a distant second in a realm ruled by World Wrestling Entertainment. The company is run by Dixie Carter and longtime pro wrestler Jeff Jarrett."

Dixie Carter runs a wrestling company! That is awesome. I wonder how the late Mr. Drummond would feel about the proceeds of his penthouse sale being spent as such? Does Dixie's annoying ginger son Sam have a cushy exec job with TNA? I bet he does.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

I'm just sayin....

Apparently, everyone who got ripped off in the fake Viagra scam is going to be sent tapes of Joe Theismann fawning over Tom Brady and Tedy Bruschi. The lust in his voice is more powerful than any ED drug currently on the market.


Eff me. Why get started about Joe effing Theismann? The guy is the ultimate hypocrite. He rips on Ricky Williams for smoking some pot, without acknowledging the fact his own son was busted for possesion of f*cking CRACK!!!

It's too bad LT didn't tackle him by the neck or the jaw...at least that would have shut him up.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Last night, at the Rogers Centre...

Me: Two large Buds please.

Beer Lady: Can I see some ID?

Me: Sure. But if I was under 19, how would I have known that this is Gowan playing on the radio?

Beer Lady: Yeah, you're probably right.

Guess what today is!!!!

Today, July 25th, is the first day of Bills training camp. The first step in what should be, the good Lord willing, a Superbowl Championship season!

If there are any questions as to how awesome the Bills are going to be this year, let those questions be answered by the following video:

So, the Bills had the best Special Teams in the league last year, and they go ahead and add a player who has clearly been sent by the Lord. You hear that AFC East?!? That's John Wendling jumping over you.

In other AFC East news, Tedy Bruschi is not dead.....unfortunately.


Actually, a dead Tedy Bruschi would be the WORST THING EVER! Why, you ask? Because Joe Theismann and the rest of the NFL media is for some reason in LOVE with Tedy Bruschi, a pretty average linebacker.

The best thing that could happen would be for Bruschi to play this year, have an average season, then fade away. If he were to die, there is a chance the NFL would disband. It would just be too painful. Actually, no...it would not disband, but it would end up changing the name of the 'Superbowl' to the Tedy Bruschi Memorial. All teams in the league would wear be forced to wear black uniforms in perpetuity.

Remember how Nirvana used to be an OK band? Cobain blows his head off, and now they are remembered as the voice of a generation, and 'Nevermind' is the greatest album of the past 25 years. If Bruschi dies, it would that much worse. There would be tributes every Sunday for the next 60 years. He would be remember as the man who invented football, tore down the Berlin Wall, walked on the moon and cured polio.....all during halftime of a game in which he registered 200 sacks!

I want to discuss his GARBAGE player of the week award in his comeback game a couple years ago....but I am just TOO ANGRY. TOOOOOO ANNGRRRRRYYYYY!

OK...back to the Bills. JP Losman (from now on referred to as Jesus P.) will hopefully be in fine form this season. Check out the video below. It is encouraging, but I have to disagree with the statement that the current Bills offense is looking a lot like the Rams of old. Lee Evans is as good as Tory Holt.....but Peerless Price/Josh Reed are no Isaac Bruce.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Hey Chile....

Hey Chile....screw you guys. I've had a couple cocktails, so I'm not going to get into it and say something I regret....but yeah, lay off. You saw how Canada manhandled Spain in the Turbot debate of '95. You don't want to make Louis Cyr angry.


Oh yeah, Chilean President Michelle Bachelet....Mr. T called, he wants his shit back. And Martina Navratilova is on line two...something about her hair, face and glasses that you borrowed.

And that's about as much as I know about international stuff.

Argentina vs Chile....

I wanted to comment on the game/fiasco last night, but I am just too angry. Two teams of kids flopping around and crying like babies. Chilean fans who blame the cops and refs, rather than their team who decided to mail it in for a good part of the game. The best part of the whole affair is that Arturo Vidal, the douchiest of the douchebags was apparently injured in the scuffle. I hope one of Toronto's finest kicked him in the back. Read about it here:

Beautiful game turns ugly

I'm mostly upset that those douchebag Chileans ruined a perfectly good bus.

I'm also sick and tired of reading about soccer fans who act like criminals, and then hide behind the "Oh, they're just passionate" defense. I call BS. So, to commemorate this so-called passion, I will list my top three sports-related wig outs.

3. Leafs vs Kings - 1993 Campbell Conference Finals, Game 7. After the Leafs crap the bed in game seven, I shoot an empty pop can against my basement wall....really hard. There is no damage. This is also known as "the day where I tried to hate Wayne Gretzky". It didn't really work out for me.

2. Bills vs Jaguars - Week 1 of the 2004 Season. After holding the lead for most of the game, the Bills decide to stop playing defense and let the Jags march the length of the field for the winning TD in the dying seconds. At the time I thought "Wow...I hope this doesn't cost the Bills a playoff spot." The Bills went 9-7 and missed the playoffs by one game. My reaction? I punched a chair and yelled....really loud.

1. Raptors vs Nets - 2007 NBA Playoffs, First Round - Game 6. The Raptors had a chance to win in Jersey, and bring it back to Toronto....where they would have taken game seven, without question. After watching Jose Calderon throw a poor pass inside to Chris Bosh....so poor it in fact landed in the hands of rumoured man's man Richard Jefferson, (not that there's anything wrong with that), I kicked a cardboard box and punched the closet door. (For those wondering, I did not yell "Hello RJ, you in there?" as I punched the closet door.....but in hindsight, I really should have.) Shortly after I walked to Baskin Robbins and got ice cream....that made everything OK.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Thank You Yahoo Sports!!

A great headline, from today's Yahoo Sports:

It's almost as good as this all-timer:

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

MuchMoreRetro - An In-Depth Analysis

So, I've just had a look at the PVR and I've got a juicy episode of MuchMoreRetro just waiting to be critiqued. As I've said before, there's a lot of crap....but a number of gems. What will this epsiode hold??? Let us find out...

1. "My Friends" - Red Hot Chili Peppers. Crap - like Bon Jovi and Metallica, the Chilis should have packed it up long ago, rather than churning out a bunch of songs that all sound the same. Boo-urns.

2. "Wind Him Up" - Saga. Awesome. Canadian rock from the 80s. Yes, it is prog rock...but it is still kinda awesome. This kind of video is why everyone should watch the show. There are Trans-Ams and the video seems to have been shot in the States, rather than Canada. Both tell-tale signs they've "made it".

3. "The Distance" - Cake. Ughh....bit of a novelty in the day, but it doesn't hold up. The only redeeming quality is that the guitar riff during the verses kinda sounds like the music from Bionic Commando.

4. "What Does It Take" - Honeymoon Suite. WOW!! It's the ballad, but anything by Honeymoon Suite rules. Lead guitarist, Derry Grehan, might be the coolest guy around. I'm pretty sure he invented the move where guitarists would mug for the camera during their riffs. If he didn't invent it, he absolutely perfected it. It also seems to be mainly a Canadian thing. This may take more analysis later on.

5. "Switchin' To Glide" - The Kings. I've never even heard of this band....they look British. The singer looks a lot like Jay Semko from the Northern Pikes.

6. "Love Stinks" - J. Geils Band. Not a fan of the band, but the video is kinda cool. There's a scene where a guy is in bed with a fish, and another scene of someone cutting a tomato. It's either nonsense, or way to deep for me. I'm guessing the former.

7. "Don't Cry" - GNR. Another classic. No need to describe, as everyone knows this one. Has anyone seen Stephanie Seymour lately? I wonder how she's aged? This is a very good episode, so far.

8. "Criminal" - Fiona Apple. Eat something.

9. "Centerfield" - John Fogerty. Another good one....I'm fairly certain I remember this song being featured prominently in the 1985 MLB All-Star game.

10. "Heat Is On" - Glenn Frey. Until writing this, I had no idea Glenn Frey spelled his name with two Ns. From the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack, which was one of the first five albums I owned. I remember often fastforwarding the Pointer Sisters to get to this song, as well as Axel F.

11. "Everlong" - Foo Fighters. I like this song....mainly because it reminds me of setting up my stereo during Frosh Week of 3rd year. There's a 99% chance I went to Stages that night.

12" "Like A Surgeon" - Weird Al. Ah, whatever....MuchMore Retro plays way too much Weird Al. Strangely, I've seen this video, "Eat it" and "Fat" multiple times on MMR, but I don't think I've ever seen "Like A Virgin", "Beat It" or "Fat". Thankfully, the PVR stopped recording this one before it was done....

Well, that is it. I'd say that top to bottom, this was a very good episode. There was a couple great videos, but nothing that was so so so horrible. I'll give the whole thing an 8/10.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Little Chris Farley is just too precious....

To quote one Steve MacLeod, "this is too good to not share."

Monday, July 16, 2007

The All-Canadian Power Couple

If Tom Cochrane and Sass Jordan had a kid, would this kid be a Canadian Idol contender? I say yes.

Why? Sass is a judge, and would have enough clout with the other guys to at least get the kid past the first few rounds of cuts. Also, there is no doubt CTV would air a segment about the kid during some Rod Black-hosted figured skating event. If I know demographics, people who like figure skating also like Canadian Idol.

The most reasonable argument is that the kid would no doubt "rock out". Sass Jordan can (could?) belt it out at one point, which is why I assume she was amongst the contenders to join Van Halen...eventually being beaten out by the dude from Extreme. Tom Cochrane writes (wrote?) songs which are quintessentially Canadian. Which I guess means they'd be A-OK for the Idol format.

I suggest everyone go out and make an effort to watch MuchMore Retro, airing pretty much twice daily on MuchMore Music. It's delightful...although, you usually have to sit through a bunch of crap (ie Shania Twain, TLC, Madonna) before you get to something awesome, (Haywire, Northern Pikes, Prince, Platinum Blonde).

I will try to document the next episode here, so stay tuned.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Don't forget....

Don't forget to click on the many wonderful ads on my blog....I f*cking hate that word.

I need Google to send me a check for $0.12 next month.

Here's a question - what's the smallest amount you would actually walk to the bank machine to deposit a cheque for? It can't be "oh, I dropped it off on the way to Sun Valley". You have to make a specific trip for this cheque. I say, $4.50.

Discuss in the comments section below.

Yeah, good times...

Just thought I'd throw this new post on there....to keep my rowdy fan base happy.

Kim's party was good, eh? The lamb was delightful, as was the roast beef. There may have been two pounds of butter in the icing for the cake, but who's complaining? There's a chance I now weigh over two hundred pounds. Peeeeeeeeeace, I'm outta here.

Here's a couple of Argies from the game tonight....

Monday, July 9, 2007

9:28pm - Thoughts after the first round of the HR competition

1. San Francisco has some of the worst fielding local kids in America. Did any of them catch anything? That one idiot kid let at least five go over his head. He's gotta work on his technique.

2. Chris Berman talks too much. The "back, back, back, back" thing got old years ago.

Alex Rios is on to the second round. That makes up for my Prince Fielder at +400 wager going in the toilet.

I think we missed the storm.....

It seems that the much-anticipated storm did not materialize. I'm disappointed. I'm certain the destruction would have looked something like this:

Storm is coming....I hope.

So, its 3:30pm and according to the people in charge of forecasting the weather, we've got a storm coming. Awesome. I must say that I am pumped because in the coming hours/days there's a massive tree branch across the road, and it is coming down.

This is the branch in question, not sure if you will notice the large crack. Apparently, the city has been informed of this, but isn't doing anything about it. The other picture is of the cars it is going to damage.

Why am I suddenly interested in tree-related damage? Well, because the same tree provided an afternoon of general disturbance this past Saturday. Under the duress of light-to-moderate winds, a small branch came down on top of Lindsey's car. See the once majestic branch, and the damage to Lindsey's VW below.

It's now 3:39 - fingers crossed.


So, yeah....here it is. I've got the summer off, so I figure I should dedicate some time to being productive during the day. I don't have a dishwasher, so there is only so much time I can dedicate to washing dishes myself.

The idea of this thing is to talk about whatever I want....which I think is probably the tag line to 60% of "blogs" currently in existence. I imagine I'll probably be writing about sports, food, music, the four books I read per year, travel....so on and so forth. You'll probably notice the frequency of the posts decline in the not-so-distant future, once I become sick of this thing....or I run out of stuff to say....it might happen.

I'll think about what to post in a while....but for now, I've got to do dishes.

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