Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Ernie Chambers, 1937 – 2007.

As per Nebraskan tradition, Ernie will be buried with a gay dog.

Actually, the headline is a lie….Nebraska Senator Ernest W. Chambers, better known as Ernie Chambers is still alive…for the time being. Ernie recently made the grave mistake of suing God.

State Senator Ernie Chambers Sues God

Who knows how far this lawsuit will get? Working against God is the fact that his/her usual lawyer, Yale Galanter, is on retainer elsewhere. Working for God is the fact that he/she is God. For Chambers, that simple (and possibly overlooked) fact makes this suit almost impossible to win.

In the suit, Chambers says God has caused, “fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects, and the like.” (Studies show that 100% of readers will read that quote using the Don King version of their internal monologue.)

Fair enough. Blame most of that stuff on God if you so choose….but you can’t really point the finger at him/her for birth defects. Blame Agent Orange, Thalidomide and Mountain Dew for that. Although, God did create all these poisons, so he/she could be considered guilty by proxy.

I commend Ernie Chambers on his desire to go straight to the top. It’s a bit like entering the “Straight to Mike Tyson” code in Punch Out, (FYI – it’s 007 373 5963), and then proceeding to have your ass handed to you in a matter of seconds. The only difference is you don’t get back up off the canvas after God one-punches you.

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