Wednesday, August 8, 2007

What Would Matt Stairs Do?

This web-based journal would have had a new name today if the Lord would have answered our prayers and let Matt Stairs beat Alex Rodriguez to a bloody pulp last night.

There is no debate about who would have won that fight. One guy's toughest moment was slapping Bronson Arroyo....the other guy is an ex-hockey player. We all saw A-Rod get tuned by Jason Varitek a couple years ago....this would have been much worse.

Speaking of Matt can there be websites dedicated to the legendary prowess of Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris, but not one for Matt Stairs? Well guess what? This website is going to become the definitive online resource for the legend of Matt Stairs. Let's refer to this bio, just for inspiration.

Baseball Profile Matt Stairs
Baseball Digest, May, 2000 by Rick Sorci
FULL NAME: Matthew Wade Stairs
AGE, HT., WT.: 32, 5-9,206
Born: February 27, 1968 in St. John, New Brunswick, Canada
HOME: San Ramon, California
STATUS/FAMILY: Married with three children
NICKNAME: Matt, Stairsey
LIFE OUTSIDE BASEBALL: Relaxing. I follow hockey a lot, especially Montreal and San Jose.
MY SPORTS HERO WHEN I WAS YOUNG: Yvan Cournoyer of the Montreal Canadiens
PEOPLE WHO INFLUENCED ME THE MOST/WHY: My parents. They never put a lot of pressure on me. They supported what I wanted to do.
BEST ADVICE ANYONE EVER GAVE ME: My father told me to be myself and not change for anyone.
PLAYERS, PAST OR PRESENT, I'D PAY TO WATCH PLAY BASEBALL: Carl Yastrzemski, Jim Rice, Randy Johnson and Roger Clemens.
HOBBIES: I like fishing and watching professional wrestling.
TYPE OF CAR: Corvette

His nickname is "Matt" and he drives a Corvette. The only word to describe that is "rad".

So, in case you didn't know:

  • Matt Stairs won a UFC tournament in 1998. You'll never see the tape as it was banned for being "too bloody".
  • After Pierce Brosnan retired, Matt Stairs turned down the role of James Bond. He described Bond's lifestyle as "tame".
  • The guy who is travelling to all 30 MLB stadiums to raise awareness for Social Anxiety Disorder didn't actually have the disorder before yesterday. He was taking in a game down at the Rogers Centre....Matt Stairs gave him a dirty look...the rest is history.
Please feel free to add more in the comments section below.

I don't really have much to add to the commentary on last nights game. Good on Josh Towers for nailing that douchebag. It pains me to know that sometime in 2013 or 2014, Rodriguez is going to break Barry's all-time HR tally. Barry may be a surly old SOB, but he seems like a drop of sunshine compared to A-Rod. I take solace in the fact that his wife is an idiot too....a lifetime of unhappiness is much deserved for you both. If there any good in the universe, Prince Fielder will hold the record one day.

In other news, the Karel Pilar era has come to a close in Toronto. After making a few appearances for the Marlies at the end of last season, Karel signed with Atlanta today. Somewhat sad, as he was always an intriguing talent. Too bad about the wonky ticker.

1 comment:

  1. Stairsey's Jays record of five straight doubles is still two short of Billy Joel's record of seven straight doubles.


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