Friday, August 24, 2007

Lazy Friday...

Well, I am at the in-laws, and the stormy weather outside has caused the satellite dish to stop functioning. I guess I will have to rent the Rob Schneider epic "The Animal" to see how it ends. That said, I did see this film at the theatre back in 2001. I'm somewhat embarrassed by this...but I was young, so gimme a break.

Time for another celebrity look-a-like! This one brought to you by the good people at the WorldWideNetWeb. All of us here are big fans.

So, here it goes. Bills receiver Josh Reed and child star Raven Symone:

This one is pretty might be the best match yet.

So, has anyone read the article in the most recent Maclean's about the scam which is high-priced matchmaking services? It's real good. Now, don't get me wrong...I have nothing against matchmaking services who charge thousands of dollars for doing limited work. In fact, I sort of like the fact that some people are preying on the single and aging....they seem like a weak demographic. It's sort of like how the brass down at One Bills Drive continues to prey on me...I have a weakness for the dream which is a Superbowl, (or even a playoff appearance). If I buy more jerseys, I will help make that happen.

Sorry, back to the story. This article in Macleans is quite amusing. As one who has been recently wed, I feel that I can fully make fun of the 'aging and single', as I am 'aging and not single'. The fact that people have to use a service is not so funny....obviously people get to a point where they no longer go out and all their friends are married, so finding someone to date would be quite difficult. I have no problem with this. The part that is hilarious to me is that each single and lonely person has set their standards WAY too high.

For example, "Lisa" is a 56-year old lawyer who paid $5000 to be matched up by something called the 'Allied Network', [make your own jokes up about this one.] I really can't say for sure, but I would imagine a single, 56-year old lawyer to look something like this:

Maybe a nice lady, (probably not), but not that attractive. Lawyers apparently read a lot, so I would imagine she also has an issue with squinting. Again, not attractive...unless you are a weirdo with a Mister Magoo fetish.

Quoting the article, "Lisa" was demanding a guy who was "attractive, not bald, taller, healthy, active, a professional or someone who earns more money, no baggage, likes animals, rides horses, enjoys a glass of wine but is not an alcoholic." Wow...Lisa....two things:

  1. This guy does not exist.
  2. If he did, do you not think every woman with access to five grand would pay that much to meet him?
Shockingly, Allied Network was unable to find "Lisa" a suitable match...and after "Lisa" threatened to go to the press, she was subsequently refunded $3000 of her initial $5000 fee.

Now, you may be wondering, "Why was she so upset? Did Allied hook "Lisa" up with a bunch of homeless guys?" Probably not. I would imagine she was set up with a bunch of "40 Year Old Virgin" types. I really have no idea though. In my opinion, a 56-year old woman should take whatever she can get. Of the 10 criterion "Lisa" had for a her dream guy, she should have been happy with a 20% hit rate. She ain't gonna get anywhere if she keeps her standards so high. Look at me....I was able to get my bride to lower her expectations, and now we are very happy. It's a bit like me with teams I root this point, I'd settle for a playoff appearance....I no longer dream of championships.

So, on that note "Lisa", I have an offer for you. I know a guy who is both "not bald" and "active"....I will introduce you for $80. (Pat - you'll get a 20% cut - danger pay.)

Editors note: Above, I claimed that the guy Lisa desired did not exist. Well, that was not always the case. RIP Chris.

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