Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Next Great Rivalry - WWMRD speaks!

Afghani Sea World does not seem like a fun place at all....

If you've been keeping up on your required reading, there is no doubt you've read Steve Holt's throwdown over at WorldWideNetWeb. Yes...this weekend is the first annual East Toronto Iron Chef Challenge. It's shaping up to be legendary.

Strange Mr. Holt would refer to the events of 10/27 as a 'rivalry'? Wouldn't a 'rivalry' somehow imply that each team has a chance of winning? This is more of a mercy killing and my team will be playing the role of Michael Schiavo.

Actually, let’s leave the Schiavos out of this. For ease of discussion, let us refer to Steve Holt's team as the “Dolphins”. I do this because:

1. One team member runs a web journal with a teal background and sort of looks like Larry Csonka.
2. Another team member once owned a Zubaz Miami Dolphins hat in 9th grade.
3. The final team member works for a pizza chain which actually serves dolphin on their pizzas. For shame.

So, yeah....this isn't 1972, (although, if you looked at the lapels on Steve Holt’s jackets, you could be convinced otherwise). In 2007, being called the Dolphins is not a compliment. It’s pretty much on par with being called an “enemy combantant” or “Christopher Paul Neil”.

Since Holt’s team is going with “Dolphins”, there’s only one logical name for our team. We are the "Awesome Tuna Fleet”.

Why will the Awesome Tuna Fleet prevail this Saturday?

1. Age is on our side. The Dolphins have an average age on the north side of 30. The average age of the Awesome Tuna Fleet comes in under 30. Everyone knows that at 30, you become useless and decrepit. Except for me - I remain awesome.

2. No Cookbooks. Wow, the Dolphins really shot themselves in the foot by insisting on this rule. I guess this means they won’t be able to go to their old standby – the works of Rachael Ray. Without her inspiration, the best we can hope for from the Fins is buttered bread.

3. Babies. Each of the Dolphins has a baby daughter. The Awesome Tuna Fleet are untethered by the constraints of these little poop machines. While we are enjoying a peaceful 12 hours of sleep on Friday night, the Dolphins will be up changing diapers and singing nonsensical lullabies. Let's just hope they wash their hands before entering kitchen stadium.

So, it’s settled. The Awesome Tuna Fleet will win handily. We’ll go along with this event because it will be fun to see Steve Holt trying to squeeze into the chefs jacket he borrowed from Mario Batali. Good thing there’ll be lots of butter around.


  1. I also think the Tuna’s have a good chance of winning, b/c as the spouse of one of the Dolphins, I’m not too happy to be left alone with the poop machine all day Saturday while my Global knife loving husband pretends to live out some Japanese cooking fantasy. My vote is already swayed towards the tuna.

  2. Well said Lin......I mean Anonymous. Go Tunas!


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