WWMRD Calls....Bulgaria Answers!

So, who had Bulgaria in the 100th country pool?  If you did, congrats...but good luck collecting your winnings, because I hear your friends are deadbeats.

The Maloof's Bulgarian casino holdings are far less glamourous than the Palms.  Rumour has it Ron Artest checks coats here, just for the employee discount on Tolumbichki at the cafe next door.

Speaking of crazy people....

Online divorcee kills virtual husband

Here's why Japan is facking insane...but also kind of awesome.

1.  People have virtual "lives".  OK - fair enough.  I virtually create myself in Madden every year and have racked up a number of NFL MVP awards.

2.  People get virtually "married" in Maple Story.  'Nuff said...weddings are big business anywhere and everywhere.  Right now, there's an executive spending the fortune he made in virtual "save the date" cards on square watermelons and foreign whores.

3.  The "dead" guy contacted the police.  How does one go about reporting their own murder?  Perhaps this was touched on in the Lindsay Lohan vehicle, "I Know Who Killed Me".  There's no way to confirm though, as I am pretty sure this movie was never actually released.

4.  The police actually proceeded with the complaint.  This is the complete opposite of what I would have expected to happen, which would have been a lot of laughing, following by the officer charging the complainant with misuse of police resources.  (Japanese cops are robots, right?)

5.  The "killer" has been jailed and not yet formally charged.  OK, now I am confused.  Is this a real jail or a virtual jail?  Are you allowed to be jailed without charges?  I know that flies in Gitmo, but I didn't realize the Japanese were so ruthless.  Knowing this, I'm actually quite surprised my old roommate Toshio didn't have me poisoned for all the times I tried to convince him that Hideki Irabu liked dudes.

I make the points above not to mock the Japanese, but to show how wonderful they are.  With the exception of Hirohito and possibly those guys behind the sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway, has anyone ever met a Japanese person they didn't like???  Right....didn't think so.

And as an FYI, I had Sushi Marche for dinner tonight and it was delightful.  

Oyasuminasai!

I'm awesome at giving advice....

Here's some advice....Burning Man is for losers.

A year ago today, I wrote about a wonderful restaurant called Mirazur that the wife and I visited on the honeymoon.  To celebrate the one year anniversary of that post, I bring you some not so surprising news:

Argentinian-born Italian crowned top chef in France

Yeah, that's right.  Mauro Colegreco has been named the top chef if France.   And not just by me, some guy named "GaultMillau" totally agrees.  He knows his stuff.....and there's a chance that GaultMillau is actually former NFL speedster Willie Gault's "classy" pen name, but I'm not totally sure....  (FYI - I do realize GaultMillau is not actually a person.)

So - who took my advice and made the trip?  None?  Well screw you guys.

At the time, I referred to the Menu Dégustation as "the best bargain since Matt Stairs".  A year later, Matt Stairs is playing in the World Series (with the Phillies, natch) and Mirazur is raking in the accolades.  Holy effing Nostradamus.

A recent check of the Mirazur website shows that the Menu Dégustation has skyrocketed in price, from 75€ to 80€ - so, don't say I didn't warn you.  If you extrapolate the same 6.67% annual increase, you'll be paying as follows:

Oct 23, 2010 - 91.02€

Oct 23, 2020 - 173.55€

Oct 23, 2050 - 1,203.09€

Oct 23, 2100 - 30,320.23€

Oct 23, 3000 - 510,015,997,207,026,000,000,000,000,000.00€

My god.  Why wait till the year 3000 when you can go now at a fraction of the price?  You're a friggin idiot if you think half a nonillion dollars is a good deal for dinner.  Go now because 80€ is a steal.

And while we are the topic of anniversaries, this is the 15th anniversary of the HR.  The photo below says it all.  

Whooaaaaaa....we're halfway there....

Yeah, that's right.  The "a hit from every country" project of late 2007, while on life support, did not die.  The main reason for this is because I finally realized I could export stats from Google Analytics to Excel....I really should have figured that out sooner. 

Anyway, with my newly exported list of countries and a quick vlookup, it has been determined that WWMRD is now sitting at a total of 99 (of my wish list of 197) countries.  The lucky land to get us over 50% - Croatia.

While research this piece, it was learned that both Bill Belichick and Nick Saban are of Croatian heritage.  Above is a photo of Belichick and Saban together.

You're probably wondering who are the countries added to the WWMRD hall of fame since last updated.  In no particular order, other than alphabetical, they are:

Algeria

Bahamas

China

Costa Rica

China

Dominican Republic

El Salvador

Iceland

Jamaica

Lithuania

Luxembourg

Macedonia

Malta

Pakistan

Russia

Serbia

Slovenia

Sri Lanka

Trinidad and Tobago

Tunisia

No real surprises there....except for China.  WTF?  20% of the world's population and it takes you a year to get on board?  For shame....though, perhaps we were banned there?

OK, I forgive.  Glad to have you.

So - goals for the coming months.  A few more countries from Africa and Polynesian penetration that would make Paul Gauguin proud. 

Feel free to help WWMRD - forward the URL to anyone you may know in:

Afghanistan

Albania

Andorra

Angola

Antigua and Barbuda

Armenia

Azerbaijan

Bahrain

Bangladesh

Belarus

Belize

Benin

Bhutan

Botswana

Brunei Darussalam

Bulgaria

Burma

Burundi

Cambodia

Cameroon

Cape Verde

Chad

Comoros

Cuba

Cyprus

Democratic Republic of the Congo

Djibouti

Dominica

East Timor

Ecuador

Equatorial Guinea

Eritrea

Ethiopia

Fiji

Gabon

Gambia

Georgia

Greenland

Grenada

Guinea

Guinea-Bissau

Guyana

Haiti

Honduras

Jordan

Kazakhstan

Kiribati

Kyrgyzstan

Laos

Lebanon

Lesotho

Liberia

Libya

Madagascar

Malawi

Maldives

Mali

Marshall Islands

Mauritania

Micronesia

Moldova

Mongolia

Montenegro

Mozambique

Namibia

Nauru

Nepal

Nicaragua

Niger

Nigeria

North Korea

Oman

Palau

Panama

Papua New Guinea

Paraguay

Republic of the Congo

Rwanda

Saint Kitts and Nevis

Saint Lucia

Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Samoa

San Marino

São Tome and Príncipe

Seychelles

Sierra Leone

Somalia

Sudan

Suriname

Swaziland

Syria

Tajikistan

Tanzania

Togo

Tonga

Turkmenistan

Tuvalu

Uganda

Uruguay

Uzbekistan

Vanuatu

Yemen

Zambia

Zimbabwe

Especially East Timor....my god, are they even allowed to have the internets there?

As if the trip to work could get any worse.....

Sweet merciful crap.  Where have the days gone?

Yes, I apologize for the lack of commitment.  Me to blogging is as Tom Brady to fatherhood.  (Ah, Brady jokes....that felt good.)

I assume you are wondering what initiated the return to the world of typing to an audience of zero?  Well, it was this idiot right here:

It says here that Fen-Phen is most effective while being an uncivil slob.  Why does my chest hurt?

Consider this a companion piece to the WorldWideNetWeb's "Get to Know your Fellow Commuters" series.  Yes, the topic is unoriginal....but you can't expect my first post in months to be all thaaaaaat groundbreaking.  I'm not looking to shatter that glass ceiling that Hillary cracked....I'm just home alone, somewhat bored and halfway through a bottle of wine.

Back to the photo....you'll notice a stout woman taking up two seats during this morning's commuter rush on the TTC.  The display was way more obnoxious that the usual "my laptop is really heavy and needs it's own seat" crowd who we commuters usually have to deal with.  This peach decided that even with people standing everywhere, (some of whom were senior citizens) she needed a seat for her oversized ass, and another seat for her ham-hock legs crammed into knock-off Ugg boots.

I know you're not supposed to hit a person with glasses, but how about an inconsiderate sow-bag?  The reason I ask is because I really wanted to smack her, but I used better judgement and restrained myself.  Instead, I found myself questioning her obviously checkered upbringing and choice in oversized purses.  I'll let the purse thing slide, because how else are you going to get a 5lb frozen lasagna (aka lunch) to the office.....but what kind of person lacks the decency to realize that putting your dirty, wet boots where someone may want to sit is indefensible? 

As she waddled out of the car and up the stairs (probably on her way to buy a large diet coke) at Yonge Station, the seats were quickly filled again by people who were none the wiser.  Although I ran an 8% chance of being busted, and possibly charged, for taking this photo...I am glad I did it.  This kind of behaviour can not be forgiven or forgotten.  (It's somewhere between 9/11 and the Alamo, in my opinion.)  

Personally, I'm content with the knowledge that upwards of eight people may see this photo and know the true tale of what happened earlier today.  In a perfect world, the asshat above would read this post and realize that she should sit up straight....the subway isn't your own personal gurney at the overeaters anonymous VIP lounge.  Even better, I call on Councillor Adam Giambrone to ban her from the TTC.  At least it would make her get out and walk somewhere. The good Lord knows she could use it.

(Sorry if that was mean....she really was deserving of the insults.)

Toronto the bland.....

Yeah, I don't really have anything good to say....just wanted to tally up the countries before it gets out of hand.

As of today, we can add Denmark, Morocco, Indonesia and Estonia to the mix.

By the way, did anyone happen to travel past Museum Station today on the Yonge University Spadina line? The renovations are finally done, and I must say - I'm a fan.

A travel mug full of gin will make you see crazy things on the morning commute...

I don't know who ponied up the cash for this, and I really don't care. It's little touches like this that make a pretty bland city like Toronto a bit more interesting. While we're at it, you can also consider me a fan of the OCAD Building, the new Crystal at the ROM and Toronto's post-modern masterpiece, Wild Wings on the Danforth.

It's very rare that you see design in this city stray away from the standard issue office tower/condo design du jour. If it continues, the downtown core is going to look extrodinarily dated in about 30 years.

Don't forget, the building above was also considered modern about 30 or 35 years ago. Looking at it now makes we want to move to a tent city somewhere far away....

Morrissey - pro-seal, anti-rural economy.

This just in....Morrissey is apparently pro-seal, anti-rural economy.

Morrissey Hates Canada, Loves Seals

OK, first off....why do I care? Morrissey, while once relevant, lost the title of "Best Lyracist" to Joel Plaskett about 10-12 years ago. So, really...Morrissey's opinion on anything should hold about as much weight as Sebastian Bach's. (editors note: We here at WWMRD would value Sebastian Bach's opinion on the seal hunt far more than Morrissey's.....at least he's Canadian.)

Apparently you can chunk out on just vegetables...

Is the seal hunt the new cause-du-jour ? It seems every washed up celebrity looking to get their name in the press has something bad to say about the seal cull in Canada, (more on this later.)

At last check, Harp Seals are by no means endangered...not even close. Local hunters are not killing off seals to the point of extinction, they seem to be following the quotas set out by the Canadian government. Have to assume that someone has calculated a reasonable cull per year...I don't think the government is that unreasonable to try an purposely push a species to the proverbial brink.

Now, don't get me wrong...I have no problem with people standing up for something (seals) which really can't stand up for themselves. As an example, I am all for saving Pandas...but at last check, aren't there like 2,000 of them left? There are MILLIONS of seals. Just like there are MILLIONS of chinchillas and chickens out there. I fail to see the issue with a reasonable annual hunt.

Is it the method in which they are killed? At last check, I would not care to have my head smashed with a hakapik either, but it's a lot better than being torn to shreds by hounds, purely for the entertainment of the noble set in England. At last check, Morrissey is not boycotting the UK. Yeah, yeah...the fox hunt is illegal, but guess what....there are still a lot more fox hunters than seal hunters. What? Not boycotting the United States either? What about that whole Iraq thing? For my money, I'd much rather take a swift, crushing blow to the head than the good times that go along with waterboarding.

Now, I really shouldn't knock Morrissey. Dude is a vegetarian, and would probably stick up for any animal, (that said, he used to wear a lot of leather.) He's a better man than I am...because if I was pulling in Smiths royalty cheques, I'd be eating foie gras twice a day. I don't agree with his views, but at least he sticks to them....and that is somewhat noble. What gets me is that it seems the timing of his tirade against Canada seems to be coincidentally lined up with the recent release of his greatest hits album.

So, maybe it's all just a cozy cause to get behind. Speaking out against Canada is kind of like picking on the small kid in your class. Really, what are we going to do about it? As per Wiki, here's a list of the "celebrities" who are anti-seal hunt:

Richard Dean Anderson
Charles Aznavour
Kim Basinger
Juliette Binoche
Sir Paul McCartney
Heather Mills
Mick Jagger
George Harrison
Pamela Anderson
Martin Sheen
Mogwai
Pierce Brosnan
Paris Hilton
Sara Quin
Loretta Swit
Robert Kennedy, Jr.
Rutger Hauer
Brigitte Bardot
John Paul DeJoria
Ed Begley, Jr.
Dave Foreman
Farley Mowat
Linda Blair
Berkeley Breathed
Rolf Harris
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Jet
The Vines
Hawthorne Heights
Pink
The Darkness
Good Charlotte

Who cares about anyone on this list? Not me. The only decent one of the bunch is Mogwai, and they hate everything. Call me once George Clooney gets involved.

Now, don't overestimate what I've just said. I'm an idiot, and I have about as much knowledge of the seal hunt as anyone mentioned in this piece. If anyone has a link to some anti-seal hunt research, done by a scientist who is biased one way or the other, send it my way as I'd be more than glad to read it.

Morrissey, if you want to rally against something that is going to better the world, at least do your best to bring down big tobacco, pollution or even human rights in many parts or the world. At least there is some upside for your fellow man there.

Awesome

I've got nothing to say. At all. Just wanted to give all yous an update on the countries that have reveled in WWMRD for the first time this week.

Iraq
Monaco
Iceland
Bermuda
Slovenia
Nigeria

Isn't that awesome? Speaking of being awesome, if you google the term "awesome" this is the first image returned:

And you know what? It is awesome.

If you ask the glorious Jeeves the same question, here's what he provides:

Fack me. And with that, we now know why Larry Page and Sergey Brin are richer than astronauts, and the guy behind Ask Jeeves is best known for being an "accomplished pilot".

Happy Easter and all of that. Will try to post something more when I am not drunk and not to mention, a fantasy baseball draft in under an hour....I'm thinking Jeff Kent is due for a career year.

Islands love me....

Another day, another couple countries added to the tally...

The kid on the left was looking some anti-Belichick content. He found it here.

Today, it was New Zealand and the Solomon Islands. Good people down there.

Well, other that just writing about the quest for world domination, I figure I should ad some actual content. Problem is, I really have nothing to write about. Nothing inspires me. Last fall's inevitable return to the 9-5, well...call it 8-6...has numbed my brain to the point where I can't even string together 300 words on the Bills offseason acquisitions.

Let's see what else sucks:

-TV, except for my new favourite show Manhunter on OLN.
-Commuting. Everyone should tune into Steve Holt's series on Toronto's finest here.
-Moving. Yes, I have to move this weekend. Not cool.
-Chris Bosh's bum knee.
-Record snowfalls.

Help us Matt Walsh....you're are only hope!

Yahtzee!!!

So, after spending some time reviewing the list of required countries, I bet you thought to yourself, "No hits from China? That's effed." And you know what, you're right. Vegas had a hit from China paying just over even money....not at all a long shot. Through sheer luck, it's only a matter of time until one of those billion plus just happen to end up here.

Now, knowing that China was paying just over even money.....I hope one of you played the Qatar/Liechtenstein parlay today....because them shitz paid!!

Watch these number spike once Prince Hans-Adam II acquires a taste for Michelob Ultra.

Qatar and Liechtenstein in one day.....this is better than....ummm....Grease 2?

Holy fack....you countries are lazy.

What's wrong 67% of the planet? Do you not find me attractive anymore?

WWMRD is known for the dry skin on his chins.

Below, please see the list of the required countries. We now know that Afghanis are a bunch of flakes...but I have hope for the good people of Eritrea.

Afghanistan
Albania
Algeria
Andorra
Angola
Antigua and Barbuda
Armenia
Azerbaijan
Bahamas
Bahrain
Bangladesh
Belarus
Belize
Benin
Bhutan
Botswana
Brunei Darussalam
Bulgaria
Burma
Burundi
Cambodia
Cameroon
Cape Verde
Cayman Islands
Chad
China
Comoros
Costa Rica
Croatia
Cuba
Cyprus
Democratic Republic of the Congo
Denmark
Djibouti
Dominica
Dominican Republic
East Timor
Ecuador
El Salvador
Equatorial Guinea
Eritrea
Estonia
Ethiopia
Fiji
Gabon
Gambia
Georgia
Germany
Greenland
Grenada
Guinea
Guinea-Bissau
Guyana
Haiti
Honduras
Iceland
Indonesia
Iraq
Jamaica
Jordan
Kazakhstan
Kiribati
Kyrgyzstan
Laos
Lebanon
Lesotho
Liberia
Libya
Liechtenstein
Lithuania
Luxembourg
Macedonia
Madagascar
Malawi
Maldives
Mali
Malta
Marshall Islands
Mauritania
Micronesia
Moldova
Mongolia
Montenegro
Morocco
Mozambique
Namibia
Nauru
Nepal
New Zealand
Nicaragua
Niger
Nigeria
North Korea
Oman
Pakistan
Palau
Panama
Papua New Guinea
Paraguay
Peru
Qatar
Republic of the Congo
Russia
Rwanda
Saint Kitts and Nevis
Saint Lucia
Saint Vincent and the Grenadines
Samoa
San Marino
São Tome and Príncipe
Serbia
Seychelles
Sierra Leone
Slovenia
Solomon Islands
Somalia
Sri Lanka
Sudan
Suriname
Swaziland
Syria
Tajikistan
Tanzania
Togo
Tonga
Trinidad and Tobago
Tunisia
Turkmenistan
Tuvalu
Uganda
Uruguay
Uzbekistan
Vanuatu
Yemen
Zambia
Zimbabwe

Thanks for Nothing Afghanistan.....Hellloooooooooooooo Barbados.

Well...the past couple days have left us feeling like a certain P. Phillips on prom night with our rejection from the good people of Afghanistan. With that said, who effing cares! We have the Barbados picking up their slack!

Now batting for your 1983 Seattle Mariners.....Prime Minister David Thompson!

March 3rd presented WWMRD with a visitor from the Barbados! This leaves us with just 136 countries to go before we are successful in our quest for world domination.

The WWMRD Geography Challenge (or: How I Conquered the World Without Leaving the House)

Yeah yeah...I know I promised more posts in 2008. Seems that I am liar..... or am I?

For the past couple months, I have been holed up at WWMRD HQ, like a post-Rattle & Hum, pre-Achtung Baby U2. I had to go away and dream it all up again, (a line I stole from Bono....pretty sure Coldplay stole it as well.)

Anyway, WWMRD is back.....with the WWMRD Geography Challenge!

Since it's inception in July 2007, WWMRD has had visitors from 62 different countries. That leaves approximately 135 more countries than remain untouched by WWMRD. This needs to be rectified!

As of March 1, 2008 the map below details WWMRD's global reach.

As you can see - we're doing well in North America, South America and Europe. The rest of the globe....not so much.

Over the coming weeks and months, the goal is to have at least one visitor from all of the remaining countries. The list of countries has been compiled from wikipedia's listing of United Nations members, throwing in few extras like Taiwan and Greenland for good measure. Ultimately, the goal is to have the map above be covered in green.

How will I do this? Not really sure. I figure if I write about some stuff of interest in each of these local countries, I'm bound to snag a visitor. Who really knows though....

So, starting at the top.....we've got Afghanistan!

Hello Afghanistan! How are things? Are you excited for the coming Nauroz celebrations on the 21st of March? I hope you have a good time stuffing yourselves with kulcha Naurozee and playing your national sport of Buzkashi, as seen below:

Well, I'd better run! I'm off to listen to my collection or Farhad Darya records!

Regards,
WWMRD

I've failed you...

Team, I apologize. A return to work, and recent holiday season has lead to a certain level of flakiness with regards to my posting up here on the WWMRD. Flaky is putting it lightly. Irresponsible, unloving and mean. These would all be better words to describe my behaviour.

OK, apologies behind us....what's new? Well....not much. In fact, I have nothing to write about...that's why I am rambling. I figure I'm just going to fire up this post with short, quick tidbits. With 60% of WWMRD readers suffering from ADD, I figure I am doing most of you a service by keeping the points short.

Well...where to begin?

**Did anyone else realize that Color Me Badd was from Oklahoma City? That really doesn't make sense. Does it? I figured their fashion-foward sensibilities and hot sound, they MUST be from Miami or New York City. How do four guys (there were four, right?) from OK City form an R&B outfit? Nonsense.

**There are at least four movies I've seen at the theatre more than once. They are Hot Shots, Terminator 2, Dumb and Dumber & Little Nicky. Of the 15 people that saw Little Nicky, two of them were me.

**You should go to the World Wide Net Web, and pester Steve Holt for the recipe for his Coffee and Chile crusted Tenderloin with Chimichurri. It's without question amongst the three best meals I had in 2007. The other two are Sweetbreads with Red Wine Grits and Thyme Mushrooms at the Auld Spot, and the valhalla which was Mirazur. Oh wait, Riverdale Iron Chef was good too. Fack, that makes four.

**A morning commute on the TTC is one of the most horrible things in the world. As a rule, people are miserable....as they should be, they're on the way to work. The early morning must also make people retarded, as there is never a shortage of people who will attempt to defy physics by cramming themselves onto a subway car which is already at capacity. I'm looking at you Broadview Station. And to the person on my car this morning who chose to "cut the mustard," go f*ck yourself. Seriously. There is not a more inconsiderate thing you could do. If there was a way to determine who committed this crime, (other than the "thee who smelt it, dealt it" theorum. (Wait a sec, does that make me guilty?)) I would happily and rightfully punch them in the mouth.

**I saw Juno. Unlike everyone else, I just liked it....didn't love it. Excellent use of the term "junk", and a solid rip on the recent works of Sonic Youth....but some of the dialouge seemed a little forced. People don't really talk like that. Well, not anyone I know anyway.

**Is anyone else glad that Jim Rice didn't get elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame? No offense to Jim, but I'm sick of all things Boston....except the mashed potatoes at the Boston Market. I figured the Boston love-in of 2007 would have gotten him into the hall. Is this the first sign of a Boston backlash? This is the worst thing to happen to Boston since Bill Simmons started his podcast and the world realized his voice sounded like that of a 17 year old "dude".

**Has there ever been another crime where the the "victim" got high fives from every person he knows?

**What the hell is up with all the hipsters wearing PLO scarves? This is the worst fashion statement since Von Dutch anything. When I see people wearing these things, I just want to yell "get back on your ten speed and bring me some urgent documents!"

**British Sea Power's, "Do You Like Rock Music?" is the best album of 2008.....so far. I know it is not out yet, but I stole it from the internets. I'm not going to buy this album either. That said, I WILL definitely see them when the come to town...and there's a good chance I'll get drunk and buy a t-shirt. That puts more cash in the band's collective hand....and it wouldn't have been possible if I didn't "steal" their record.

**Frank D'Angelo remains a douche. I might get sued for saying that.

**Poison was a better band than Mötley Crüe.

**PVRs rule.

And on that note, the wife has an episode of "Ace of Cakes" cued up. Gotta run. I'll try to post more in 2008. This is my only resolution.

St. Ann, Missouri....my kinda town.

Tom Brady is NOT welcome at the Jack Rehagen Municipal Pool.

Let's set things straight....I don't really know a whole lot about "web logging". Apparently, some people do this for a living....which would be awesome, but that would involve somehow getting traffic, and generating revenue from said traffic. I don't know how to do this....don't really care to find out. Google Ads is good enough for me. I have been making upwards of $1 a month at WWMRD, and that's plenty....if you live in the third world.

That said, one "web logging" tool that I do enjoy is Google Analytics. It allows me to see how many visitors arrive daily on WWMRD, and how they got here. As you know, it's always fun to know your big in Japan. Mostly, I'm big in Etobicoke, (thanks Lindsey!).

Well, today I was checking out the old stat tracker and I noticed that I had a visitor from a wonderful place called St. Ann, Missouri. It wasn't the location that intrigued me, it was the choice of Google search term that lead this visitor to WWMRD. St. Ann's favourite son arrived on WWMRD by going to Google and searching for the term:

tom brady getting shot pictures

Are you kidding me? How awesome (and bizarre) is that.

Now, I don't condone murder...not even against members of the Pats - so don't get all worked up. I'm just amazed that somehow WWMRD has become an online resource for people in search of Tom Brady snuff media. Should I take this as a compliment? I'm not really sure.....

By the way, if the visitor in search of "tom brady getting shot pictures" is out there, please come back! Post some comments below! Inquiring minds want to know....what exactly were you looking for?

Alright - time for bed. My apologies for the lack of volume here at WWMRD lately. Ideally, come Monday AM, this will be the webs top resource for "Troy Polamalu snapping Tom Brady's leg" pics. (I said I didn't condone murder, but I am all about career-ending injuries.)

New England Patriots move atop BCS standings

By MIKE RENO, AP College Football Writer

November 18, 2007

NEW YORK (AP) - With college football fans not interested in a LSU-Kansas title game, the committee in charge of the Bowl Championship Series today moved the New England Patriots to the top of the BCS standings.

"While LSU deserves a spot in the National Championship game, we did not realize the University of Kansas had a football program. They kind of snuck up on us." said BCS spokesman Randy Hands. "At this time, we do not feel they are deserving of a shot at the title."

Without a worthy opponent available in the college ranks, the BCS has decided to award the New England Patriots with a BCS average of 1.000. This perfect ranking puts them into the title match, without having played a game against a NCAA opponent.

"They're so dreamy," said Hands. "we feel we'd be doing a disservice to Christians everywhere by not giving our lord and saviour Bill Belichick, a shot at the title."

Pats linebacker Tedy Bruschi welcomed the opportunity to play in New Orleans.

"Assured of a first round bye, we will be available to play on January 8th," Bruschi said. "and New Orleans is a great place to cheat on your wife with a tranny".

Tedy Bruschi displaying the evidence of his most recent encounter with a tranny.

Quarterback Tom Brady was a little less enthusiastic about the opportunity.

"I had planned on spending some time with family that week," commented the quarterback and recently-named successor to Pope Benedict XVI. "Oh no, not my son Craig, I will be with Giselle. What? His name's not Craig?"

As the Patriots have not had an opportunity to scout NCAA opponents this year, LSU head coach Les Miles has agreed to hand over his team's playbook for the final game.

"They were going to get the plays one way or another," said Miles. "This keeps Matt Estrella off our sidelines the next couple weeks. Estrella is such a fantastic videographer, his handiwork and flawless technique with the camera would be just too distracting for our guys."

BCS officials have stated that even though they have already decided to award the Patriots with the National Championship, the January 8th title game will be played out, "for shits and giggles."

With the game just over seven weeks away, oddsmakers have made the Patriots infinity point favourites.

Buffalo - you've got a job to do! The pay is not so good, (but it will look great on a resume)

Gisele Bündchen once dated the keyboard player from Honeymoon Suite.

When a visiting team comes to B-Lo, does anyone know where they stay? Anyone?

The luxurious Mansion on Delaware is far too small to hold the team, although maybe pretty boy and his current German-Brazilian beard stay there. (Side note: Is it just me, or is Gisele Bündchen aging badly? Seriously! I used to think she was foxy back in the day, but every time I see her now, I think she kind of looks like Steffi Graf. That’s not a compliment.) If they are staying there, I hope the ghost that haunts the fourth floor terrorizes them.

Actually, wait a sec....I know this....the rest of the team is staying at the Hyatt. I know this because Steve Holt over at WorldWideNetWeb stayed there last year and had a run in with LaDanian Tomlinson, a J-Lo tracksuit wearing Phil Rivers, and a piano player who was kind of racist. But as Hammy Hamster says, that’s another story….

To the good kids of Buffalo: I encourage you this coming Saturday, after a night of revelry on Chippewa Street, to make the short walk over to the Hyatt and raise hell. It will be fun - and for a good cause!

To make it real easy, I have presented some easy to follow steps:

1. Leave you bar of choice between the hours of 1 and 4am. The drunker the better.

2. Head over to Jim’s Steak-Out and grab a hoagie.

3. Walk up to the Hyatt. If someone who sort of looks like a hooker asks you for a light, BE CAREFUL! She will try to grab your package. This is fact.

4. Run Wild. Make lots of noise. Make sure the Pats don’t sleep a wink. There’s no security at the Hyatt…..and even if there is, do you think they’re going to care if you f*ck with the douchebag Pats? Not bloody likely.

5. If you happen to see Tedy Bruschi, kick him in the nuts. Then make a joke about people who suffer from roid-induced strokes.

Is this course of action offside? Hardly. If you check Facebook, you'd see that one Bill Belichick started a group prior to Week 3 that encouraged local fratboys to take time off from fantasizing about showering with Terry Francona to disrupt the travelling Bills. He also started a group encouraging people to commit adultery with chicks from Jersey who aren't that hot.

Would you pay this woman $30,000 a month to be your girlfriend? Belichick would.

So, there it is kids….I suppose this qualifies as a “call to arms”. If you go to UB, ECC or even D’Youville College – pass this message on to your friends and classmates. Everyone knows this is a far more worthy cause than any disease…including rabies.

A tribute to my final day of vacation....

After four months of relative leisure, I am back to the world of work on Monday. This is both fortunate and unfortunate, depends how you look at it. Fortunate in the sense that my creditors will no longer be out for blood...my blood. Unfortunate in the sense that working significantly cuts into leisure time.

What will happen to WWMRD? That remains to be seen. Updates may be sporadic at first, until I am comfortable enough to write text on company time. In the meantime, please enjoy the piece below entitled, "My Summer - Photos from a Telephone". It's loosely considered photojournalism...



Here's a photo of me, along with Bret Michaels, the charismatic frontman of the awesome band Poison. This was taken in the concourse down at the Rogers Centre. As everyone already knows, Poison rulez.

Even though she will deny it for life, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" was the "first dance" song at the wife and I's wedding this past summer. It doesn't really make much sense as a wedding song, mainly due to the fact it was written by Bret Michaels while lamenting his failed love affair with a stripper. A nice song nonetheless....

You will notice that I've protected my identity using an photoshop tool so airtight that not even a German cop could crack it! This technique was taught to me by one of my co-stars in "Road Trip II : Let's Thai One On!"



Contrary to what this sign says, WWMRD will never sell out. Now, would you please excuse me while I fetch myself an ice cold Pepsi. I quite thirsty from listening to XM Satellite Radio in my Ford Focus all morning.



Here's a photo snapped at a pre-season Leafs vs Sens game. It features some dude wearing a headband, along with his "way too hot for him" girlfriend. If the photo was of a bit better quality, I would have submitted it to Hot Chicks with Douchebags, (which is a wonderful website by the way....).

There's a chance this guy is actually the brother of Senators captain Daniel Alfredsson. It would explain how he got the great seats and hot girlfriend.

Memo to Henrik Alfreddson (or whatever this guy's name may be): Only one guy is cool enough to rock the headband on a weeknight. His name is Mike Reno...see the pictures at the top of this page.



This was taken from our balcony in Monterosso, Italy. The little animal is a rabbit. I'm not sure if it had a name, but if given the naming rights, I would have called it Italian Evel Knievel. Reason being that this wee bunny seemed completely unfazed as it enjoyed some foliage on the edge of a balcony 20-some-odd feet up.

Since this was in Italy, I assume this rabbit was eventually killed and eaten. I'm sure he would have tasted wonderful braised with a nice gremolata.



This photo was taken while sitting on a patio in Nice, France. The sign that lists the available menu options "Cocktails, Glacier" becomes much more awesome when there is a speaker in the way. Instead of "Cocktails, Glacier", it now seems to read "Cock Glacier".

I really don't know why I find that funny.....but if I ever start a band, you better believe we are calling ourselves "Cock Glacier".



This one is good ole Craven Cottage, home to Fulham FC. Nothing really to add here, except if you notice those small openings. Those are actually the gates where you enter the stadium. Each is approximately 16" wide, and will be cited as the main reason thousands of people die if there is ever a stampede or a fire at the Cottage.



If you look closely at the photo above, you will notice that one dart has actually pierced the dart thrown ahead of it. This kind of accuracy has not been seen since Jeremy Roenick in NHL '94 on the Sega Genesis....



And finally, the last photo. This was taken last night (November 1st) at the Real Canadian Superstore at Eglinton and Don Mills. Oh my - this savings of 0.154% is far too good to pass up! How will the Westsons continue to fund cultural projects in Canada and the UK when they are making such reckless cuts in revenue?? They'll never be able to buy themselves a place in the House of Lords now!!!

Orville Frank Mader joke of the day...

Q: What do Christopher Paul Neil and Orville Mader have in common?
A: They're both dirty pervs!! Probably both Canucks fans too.

It's not really a joke, more of an observation...

Genarlow Wilson vs Gary Bettman. One of them needs to be locked up...the other is named Genarlow.

The pending return to work has left me unable to think clearly. For those who wanted me to pound out a quick 1000 words on world affairs….it ain’t gonna happen. In lieu of anything good, I present some quick blurbs, as it is all I can muster up right now. I think I may have developed an adult version of Attention Defici….

Genarlow Wilson – what up with that?

What kind of world do we live in where Genarlow Wilson gets locked up and balding Bruce Wayne goes free?

By now, I assume most people have heard about the case of Wilson v. State of Georgia. If not, here’s the short version: Poor Genarlow Wilson was sentenced, (as a 17 year old) to 10 years in the clink for getting a hummer from a 15 year old girl. Ah, puppy love gone wrong.

Thankfully, after being locked up for two years, Genarlow was released after the Georgia Supreme Court voted 4-3 that his internment amounted to cruel and unusual punishment. No sh*t.

Personally, I'm glad that the foward-thinking state of Georgia came to its senses and freed Genarlow. What amazes me most about the whole thing is that people aren’t making a bigger deal out of the fact Genarlow Wilson’s lawyer is named “B.J.” That’s funny, funny stuff….

Gary Bettman remains a douche.

For Halloween, Gary dressed up as an owl. Wait, that's not a mask?

The Detroit Red Wings are good - and have been so for a long time. For that reason, I am going to assume that their GM, Ken Holland, is a smart guy. If Gary Bettman was a smart guy, he would have heeded Ken Holland’s advice for an expanded 84-game NHL schedule, which would feature a home-and-away game against every out of conference team.

That makes a little too much sense…doesn’t it? It would mean we get to see Jarome Iginla, Joe Thornton and Joe Sakic each and every year at the ACC. I much prefer this to seeing Chris Neil's ugly mug 20 times per season.

Gary Bettman, hockey genius, decided this was a bad idea and kiboshed the proposal straight away, even though it had the backing of a number of other GMs, not to mention hockey fans everywhere!

OK, Gary. If you’ve got a valid reason for canning this proposal, then fair enough…but it doesn’t seem like you do. Here’s a quote from the article:

“Sources say Bettman was not pleased with the way the NHL schedule was so hotly and openly contested by league executives last season and intends to keep a lid on public debate this year.”

Wow. I didn’t realize we lived in Burma. Open debate is bad thing, I guess.

It sounds like old Gary doesn’t like it when someone questions or challenges his game plan. He squashed the new schedule, just like he squashed Jim Balsillie’s attempt to move a team from a southern market to an actual hockey town. As long as Gary B. is around, the NHL will continue with its stupid schedule and teams in ridiculous places. Thanks for nothing Gary.

Well…that’s all I got for now. It’s a big day….Halloween, Raptors season opener, not to mention Bob Pollard’s 50th birthday. I’m going to celebrate by eating a Heath bar and washing it down with an ice cold Bud….all while wearing my Jose Calderon jersey.

As for you – you can read this:

The KSK Guide To Being An Insufferable A--hole S--thead F--kface Fan Of Boston-Area Sports Teams

It’s absolutely spot on….

The Next Great Rivalry - WWMRD speaks!

Afghani Sea World does not seem like a fun place at all....

If you've been keeping up on your required reading, there is no doubt you've read Steve Holt's throwdown over at WorldWideNetWeb. Yes...this weekend is the first annual East Toronto Iron Chef Challenge. It's shaping up to be legendary.

Strange Mr. Holt would refer to the events of 10/27 as a 'rivalry'? Wouldn't a 'rivalry' somehow imply that each team has a chance of winning? This is more of a mercy killing and my team will be playing the role of Michael Schiavo.

Actually, let’s leave the Schiavos out of this. For ease of discussion, let us refer to Steve Holt's team as the “Dolphins”. I do this because:

1. One team member runs a web journal with a teal background and sort of looks like Larry Csonka.
2. Another team member once owned a Zubaz Miami Dolphins hat in 9th grade.
3. The final team member works for a pizza chain which actually serves dolphin on their pizzas. For shame.

So, yeah....this isn't 1972, (although, if you looked at the lapels on Steve Holt’s jackets, you could be convinced otherwise). In 2007, being called the Dolphins is not a compliment. It’s pretty much on par with being called an “enemy combantant” or “Christopher Paul Neil”.

Since Holt’s team is going with “Dolphins”, there’s only one logical name for our team. We are the "Awesome Tuna Fleet”.

Why will the Awesome Tuna Fleet prevail this Saturday?

1. Age is on our side. The Dolphins have an average age on the north side of 30. The average age of the Awesome Tuna Fleet comes in under 30. Everyone knows that at 30, you become useless and decrepit. Except for me - I remain awesome.

2. No Cookbooks. Wow, the Dolphins really shot themselves in the foot by insisting on this rule. I guess this means they won’t be able to go to their old standby – the works of Rachael Ray. Without her inspiration, the best we can hope for from the Fins is buttered bread.

3. Babies. Each of the Dolphins has a baby daughter. The Awesome Tuna Fleet are untethered by the constraints of these little poop machines. While we are enjoying a peaceful 12 hours of sleep on Friday night, the Dolphins will be up changing diapers and singing nonsensical lullabies. Let's just hope they wash their hands before entering kitchen stadium.

So, it’s settled. The Awesome Tuna Fleet will win handily. We’ll go along with this event because it will be fun to see Steve Holt trying to squeeze into the chefs jacket he borrowed from Mario Batali. Good thing there’ll be lots of butter around.