New England Patriots move atop BCS standings

By MIKE RENO, AP College Football Writer

November 18, 2007

NEW YORK (AP) - With college football fans not interested in a LSU-Kansas title game, the committee in charge of the Bowl Championship Series today moved the New England Patriots to the top of the BCS standings.

"While LSU deserves a spot in the National Championship game, we did not realize the University of Kansas had a football program. They kind of snuck up on us." said BCS spokesman Randy Hands. "At this time, we do not feel they are deserving of a shot at the title."

Without a worthy opponent available in the college ranks, the BCS has decided to award the New England Patriots with a BCS average of 1.000. This perfect ranking puts them into the title match, without having played a game against a NCAA opponent.

"They're so dreamy," said Hands. "we feel we'd be doing a disservice to Christians everywhere by not giving our lord and saviour Bill Belichick, a shot at the title."

Pats linebacker Tedy Bruschi welcomed the opportunity to play in New Orleans.

"Assured of a first round bye, we will be available to play on January 8th," Bruschi said. "and New Orleans is a great place to cheat on your wife with a tranny".

Tedy Bruschi displaying the evidence of his most recent encounter with a tranny.

Quarterback Tom Brady was a little less enthusiastic about the opportunity.

"I had planned on spending some time with family that week," commented the quarterback and recently-named successor to Pope Benedict XVI. "Oh no, not my son Craig, I will be with Giselle. What? His name's not Craig?"

As the Patriots have not had an opportunity to scout NCAA opponents this year, LSU head coach Les Miles has agreed to hand over his team's playbook for the final game.

"They were going to get the plays one way or another," said Miles. "This keeps Matt Estrella off our sidelines the next couple weeks. Estrella is such a fantastic videographer, his handiwork and flawless technique with the camera would be just too distracting for our guys."

BCS officials have stated that even though they have already decided to award the Patriots with the National Championship, the January 8th title game will be played out, "for shits and giggles."

With the game just over seven weeks away, oddsmakers have made the Patriots infinity point favourites.