Orville Frank Mader joke of the day...

Q: What do Christopher Paul Neil and Orville Mader have in common?
A: They're both dirty pervs!! Probably both Canucks fans too.

It's not really a joke, more of an observation...

The Next Great Rivalry - WWMRD speaks!

Afghani Sea World does not seem like a fun place at all....

If you've been keeping up on your required reading, there is no doubt you've read Steve Holt's throwdown over at WorldWideNetWeb. Yes...this weekend is the first annual East Toronto Iron Chef Challenge. It's shaping up to be legendary.

Strange Mr. Holt would refer to the events of 10/27 as a 'rivalry'? Wouldn't a 'rivalry' somehow imply that each team has a chance of winning? This is more of a mercy killing and my team will be playing the role of Michael Schiavo.

Actually, let’s leave the Schiavos out of this. For ease of discussion, let us refer to Steve Holt's team as the “Dolphins”. I do this because:

1. One team member runs a web journal with a teal background and sort of looks like Larry Csonka.
2. Another team member once owned a Zubaz Miami Dolphins hat in 9th grade.
3. The final team member works for a pizza chain which actually serves dolphin on their pizzas. For shame.

So, yeah....this isn't 1972, (although, if you looked at the lapels on Steve Holt’s jackets, you could be convinced otherwise). In 2007, being called the Dolphins is not a compliment. It’s pretty much on par with being called an “enemy combantant” or “Christopher Paul Neil”.

Since Holt’s team is going with “Dolphins”, there’s only one logical name for our team. We are the "Awesome Tuna Fleet”.

Why will the Awesome Tuna Fleet prevail this Saturday?

1. Age is on our side. The Dolphins have an average age on the north side of 30. The average age of the Awesome Tuna Fleet comes in under 30. Everyone knows that at 30, you become useless and decrepit. Except for me - I remain awesome.

2. No Cookbooks. Wow, the Dolphins really shot themselves in the foot by insisting on this rule. I guess this means they won’t be able to go to their old standby – the works of Rachael Ray. Without her inspiration, the best we can hope for from the Fins is buttered bread.

3. Babies. Each of the Dolphins has a baby daughter. The Awesome Tuna Fleet are untethered by the constraints of these little poop machines. While we are enjoying a peaceful 12 hours of sleep on Friday night, the Dolphins will be up changing diapers and singing nonsensical lullabies. Let's just hope they wash their hands before entering kitchen stadium.

So, it’s settled. The Awesome Tuna Fleet will win handily. We’ll go along with this event because it will be fun to see Steve Holt trying to squeeze into the chefs jacket he borrowed from Mario Batali. Good thing there’ll be lots of butter around.

Christopher Paul Neil - EXPOSED!

After a three week hiatus, WWMRD is back!!!

A lot of people have been asking me, “Hey – Where are you? We’ve come to rely on our daily fix of WWMRD and you have let us down. What gives?”

I have been forced to tell everyone that I was on my honeymoon in Europe, when in fact I was deep in the jungles of SE Asia, tracking down the notorious perv Christopher Paul Neil. Once Thai authorities were finally able to bag him, I’ve been allowed to return home.

As a service to WWMRD’s readers, I’m able to show you two very recent photos of Mr. Neil. The first shows him being lead into the courtroom with his face covered in a blue towel. The second shows him with said towel removed.

The second photo is very, very disturbing. Christopher Paul Neil displays all the tell-tale trademarks of a sexual predator:

1. Ginger hair.
2. Goofy smile.
3. Listens to a lot of Gary Glitter.

[note – almost all predators listen to Gary Glitter. Apparently, he’s a bit of a folk hero in the perv scene. The tradition of playing Glitter’s "Rock and Roll Part 2" at NHL games got it’s start at Maple Leaf Gardens in the 1970s….around the same time Gordon Stuckless was put in charge of working the PA at Leafs games.]

Some might think that finding someone matching this description would be simple - as you would think he’d stand out in a crowd anywhere in Thailand. This was not the case, as in fact there are boatloads of creepy looking predators in Thailand. Most of them looked like this guy:

We were able to track him down because he was the only one of these guys who was wearing a Larry Walker jersey. Hopefully this incident does not soil the good name of Maple Ridge, BC forever. The ghost of Greg Moore weeps.

So there you have it….we got our man. I’m glad to be back home, because after three weeks of heavy usage of the terms “Bangkok” and “Interpol” (which kind of sounds like “enter pole”), I’m all giggled out.

Good readers do not worry. WWMRD is back online. I will have an update on my “real” honeymoon later today…or maybe tomorrow…or Monday. God bless.