Bye bye Beckham....

My dream scenario for this coming weekend is a complete and total confirmation that David Beckham will NOT play here against Toronto FC. Now, it would be enjoyable to watch Becks play, and see how he does.....but I would get even more satisfaction from the fact that the scalpers down at BMO Field are losing their shirts on this.

With Toronto FC, as well as the U20 World Cup in town, I believe I have been to about a dozen games at BMO Field so far this year. At least four times, I have seen the brewings of a scalpers turf war. Mostly, it involves a 905er in a wife beater yelling at another 905er in a wife beater, "Hey eff you...this is MY corner...you can't sell tickets here." So, apparently scalpers operate via the same catty territoriality that hookers do.

I believe that most scalpers, if posed with the "you're a douchebag criminal" statement would retort with the argument that they are just providing a necessary service. Clearly there are inefficiencies in the ticket pricing model, and these touts are taking advantage of that. To that, I say fair enough.

The part that bothers me is that these clowns will use the Economics 101 argument to justify their actions, but at the same time believe they can somehow stake claims to a territory, and not allow other competitors to better them in said territory. I don't remember the chapter about "calling dibs" when I studied economics years ago.

So yes, their hypocrisy is what makes me hate scalpers. That, and their stupid clothes. I'm talking directly at you TFC scalper with the bejeweled Red Sox hat. You and your old man sidekick who dresses like a 14-year old from Mississauga. I'm pretty sure I recall you wearing basketball shoes, baggy jeans, a Hawaiian shirt and a neon windbreaker. Not to mention a bad pair of Ray-Bans. Hey - let's get this straight....you're a 44 year old guy of Armenian or Kazakh descent....dress like it.

As the likelihood of David Beckham playing dwindles, I'm thoroughly enjoying the panic selling of tickets on eBay and Craigslist. The average price of a ticket on Craigslist dropped by almost 50% once Mo Johnston announced that David Beckham would not play. The average price should drop some more tomorrow, now that Frank Yallop has come out and said it's pretty unlikely Becks will play. The season ticket holders trying to make a quick buck would have been best served by selling their tickets weeks ago, when the Beckham circus first arrived stateside.

As much as I like Becks, he's well into his fifteen minutes. Soccer is never going mainstream in America. Best case, he's Lance Armstrong, who's probably better known for selling yellow bracelets and being buddies with Matthew McConaughey than his sporting abilities. Although, riding a bike isn't really a sport....but that is another story.

So yeah. As much as I would like to see one David Beckham prancing about the field turf this coming Sunday, I hope Frank Yallop confirms he is out.....just so these idiot scalpers lose hundreds and hundreds of dollars.

For those of you with tickets, there is still reason to go. To absolutely torment Landon Donovan for 90+ minutes. First things first, his name is "Landon", which is terrible. Secondly, well....just review the pictures below.



Credit to the lads over at torfc.com for these gems, especially the guy who calls himself flatpicker. These are absolutely the most ridiculous pictures I have ever seen. One is real, one is fake...but really, they both kinda put the same point across. Are you an athlete, or a gay porn star??!?! Now, I have nothing against the gay porn industry...but should you really be marketing supposedly straight athletes with it? Two things you will NEVER see are peace in the Middle East, or a picture of Paul Posluszny in assless chaps. This I promise you.....